You may be surprised to learn that no one who lives with me reads my blog! In fact, they weren’t really supportive of me blogging. They did not want me to write about them, which is impossible because they are my life. I think I do a decent job of telling my story and not theirs. In the off chance they do take a look, I thought I would share what I love most about each of them.
My husband & I will be celebrating our 22nd wedding anniversary in October. We’ve actually been together 24 years, if you count the two years we dated before we married. We’ve been through a lot together. He’s pretty a m a z i n g. His path on our journey was different from mine. He is a left-brain Leo, who approaches the world with logic and reasoning. I am a right-brain Pisces. Enough said. We could not be more opposite. This caused some friction early in our marriage, but I think our differences helped us on our journey with Heather. He helped me see things from a completely different perspective. I admit, my tendency to jump off the deep end probably didn’t help him at all. Being the good guy he is, he always threw me a buoy. My husband is a phenomenal speaker. He is eloquent when discussing our journey, not just at PFLAG meetings, but with anyone he meets. I admire him for this.
Heather. My firstborn. You already know a great deal about her. Her first week of college life has gone swimmingly. On Tuesday, we engaged in a lengthy back and forth text about the food pyramid and true portion sizes.
Her: “Did you know a serving of meat should be the size of your palm?”
Me: “Yes. Isn’t that crazy?”
Her: “Uh huh. I’m so glad I’m finally learning this.”
I’m certain they taught the food pyramid during health class in high school, but if she thinks this is new info, so be it. She assured me she is eating a salad and vegetable with every meal. During a prior visit to the university, we were having lunch in the cafeteria. A student walked in, picked up a plate, piled 10 pieces of pizza on it, then, proceeded to the soda machine for a drink. I looked at her and pleaded, “please don’t eat like that.” She promised not to. It looks like she’s keeping her promise, at least for now. Yesterday, she navigated the city transit system and went exploring! Today, I have reason to believe she washed her own clothes (she texted to ask how many detergent pods to use for a load of laundry)! On top of everything else you know about her, what more could a mother ask for??
Abby. Our baby. She completes our family. She is beautiful. She is headstrong. She is independent. She is not at all like me at 16. She is more like my twin, which is who I always wanted to be more like anyway, so I’m okay with it. The past two years have been challenging for her. I made the mistake of confiding in Abby early in the journey, a time when I had no one else to share my thoughts with. This made Abby’s journey more confusing. I am so sorry for that. She has become her sister’s fiercest ally. Unfortunately for Abby, she is a typical teen. Heather was not. My husband and I are navigating new territory. Abby likes to push the envelope. In her mind, an 11 p.m. curfew means 11:30 p.m. because that is her friend’s curfew. A limited provisional driver’s license does not mean she has to be home at 9 p.m., it means a friend with a full provisional driver’s license needs to drive her car home, at 11:30 p.m. Semantics. I’m trying to let go, at least a little bit, and give her the independence she needs. I’m also looking forward to spending more one-on-one time with her now that Heather is away at school.
For instance, yesterday, I took her to get her nose pierced. What, you say?? When she initially began asking Saturday morning, my husband and I said absolutely not. We spent the better part of the afternoon telling her about the risks involved, showing her gruesome pictures of infected noses, obtaining expert opinions, and pretty much talking in circles. Each discussion, and there were many, ended with her retreating to her room to re-strategize. At one point, she came downstairs and vehemently exclaimed, “Okay. Let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly. Heather gets to transition, but I can’t get my nose pierced because it’s ‘too risky’? Am I understanding you correctly?” Mic drop. Touché. Sigh. Well played Abby, well played.
At one time, I wondered if the events occurring in my life were the result of karma. I’ve come to realize, I’m just truly lucky to share my life with three incredible people. I’m not sure what’s next for us, but I’m buckled up and ready for the ride.
And, if by chance, one of you are reading this, love you more.